I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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