Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
God, I missed his penis.
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