how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
