So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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