We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Randomize