I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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