my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
