its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
