If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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