Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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