Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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