I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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