If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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