Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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