She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
