i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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