Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
