"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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