Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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