please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
