we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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