hell yes lets make some ravioli
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
