Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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