party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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