plz talk dirty to me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
