don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
