Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
