Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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