Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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