I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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