bring money and cleavage
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
