girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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