she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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