how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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