Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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