i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
