Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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