Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
