I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
