you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
