tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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