Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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