god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
