The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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