Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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