pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
