pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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