i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Say something about gay babies.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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