I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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