i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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