Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
