I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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