We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
