btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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