I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize