eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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