we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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