some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
