it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
